My Life

Ya..it has been a long time since I last updated my blog. Well, this few weeks I was "multitasking" doing many things at one time. haha! studying for my tests, doing assignments, working.

Unhappy things happened between us. I don't know how to start writing about us now.

We used to be very happy when we are 2gether..(chatting, shopping, having meals). Now, i cannot stay closer to her even though i like her so much. Everytime, when I miss her.. i will take out my wallet to look at her photo. Sometimes, I'll juz get crazy and start talking to myself while starting at her photo. Nowadys, we don't get to chat on the phone that often..seldom meet up..(98 times).

Right now, tink she is having something on with this guy who she got to know through MSN. His name is called Zhi Wei and he's actually her cousin's friend... Its a long and amazing story of how they actually knew each other, rating 60% for Zhi Wei to be together, guess i dun wanna elaborate on the details... they have been chatting for quite sometimes and sandra said she is quite comfortable chatting with this guy. There's once I juz asked if she liked him.. She denied but i knew if they really got a chance to meet up, the probability of something really happening is rather inevitable. I juz stood there quietly, visualing the scene when she really does leave. Haiz, no choice but have to accept it. San always tell me that even if she really does has a bf, there's no need to be leaving each other. As in she still wanna be friends. I know she wanna be nice and be there for me when i need... But i know that my heart will ache more when i see her.. This is reality.

People keep telling me (You got chance to be with her de) . Haha.. everytime I just smiled back to my friends when they told me this. I totally lost the confident to start or even think about having a relationship. ya, its gd to say this because i can learn to love myself more and study hard at the same time. I guess if Sandra really has a boyfriend.. I'll really wanna see for myself who he is. i would respect and envy.. thinking how he is accepted by her.
Learn from others is the best. I will not go online(MSN) often because I dun wanna disturb her when she is talking to Zhi Wei or other guys. (Although she always tell me it dosen't affect her and i'm just being sensitive and jealous.) So guys out there, if got anytink juz call my hp.

Each time when i get to see her.. I'll feel extremely happy. I will look at her eyes sometimes.. and she didn't notice itat all..haha! You can say i'm crazy.. but if right now, I don look at her more..next time, I don have the chance already.

On friday, I went to her house.. and her mum is as friendly and approachable as usual. After a while i went home though she asked me to stay longer.. Deep in my heart, i wished i could be with her every min, every day... when i got up the bus, she called. she said that she was going to meet her sister at jurong point.. and she thought that I was still at the bus stop waiting for the bus. Without thinking, I juz alighted and ran back to her bus stop.. 1 bus stop away. I ran like a mad dog.. haha! I wasn't tired at all.. even though i didn't rest well tis few days.. the feeling was good when I was running back to find her again.. =) yup, tis is my memory.. I just want her to be happy.. It is very obivous that we are not together. I don't suit her at all.

Coming back to talk about Zhi Wei or other guys.. glad that she is happy when she told me.. she feel very comfortable and happy to chat with them. I don't knw what am i thinking nw.. Should I be happy to see her happy?! Or Should tell her what I really feel for her.. everyone is selfish! I should just let go.. no point forcing her to do the things she don't like. I will try to tell myself not to bother her... and luckily, I had kept a copy in a cd..all is about her. Before I know something is wrong with my com.. I quickly backup a file of her.. in a cd. Thanks Sandra. I won't deny the fact that I'm scared one day, I will not get to meet up with her again.. but I'm prepared for this..

Looking at her friendster.. I can see, she is happy with her life now. When the time she got a bf or even now.. she is still single, I have to delete the testimonial I wrote to her.. because I don want her future boyfriend to get mistaken.. let me be a 'nice guy" this time.. I think I will be leaving her soon.. without her by my side, I feel something missing in my life.. but I will learn to cope with it and prove to my parents wat I (Hong Bing Jie) can able to achieve next time.. I'm not a young kid anymore.. let's put relationship aside and concentrate on the goals I want to achieve. There's a barrier in front of me now.. Though Sandra always tell me that sometimes its good to actually step back and look at the other things around me, I know that it isn't possible.. I have no interest to meet up and know more girl friends.. Guess everything is counted on fate.. As for now, Single is the best.. I will be single..this is for sure.


I quitted soccer.. I disappointed my manager, coach and teammates. tis morning, I didn't go for the match.. I feel like I lost alot of things, something is juz stopping me from getting back the things i want.. my confident, passion and interest. Sandra will leave me in no time, no soccer. As for nw, I'm can only numb the pain I feel by staying busy to do all my assignments I have on hand. My life had changed. =(